Packing my belongings, getting a call, last look at my dorm and entering out the door feels pretty amazing that I’m leaving Davis. I’ve been waiting for this 3 week break since before even school started. Sounds kinda crazy, but now that I’m on my break. It feels great to not worry about what I have to get done or what should I be doing to pass this midterm/final. Well, my mind has been thinking about school even after I’m done with my last final & at home just chillaxing. Idk if that’s normal.
Coming home does feel pretty good, but different. It’s a kind of a different that I don’t know how to describe. I thought by this time you would’ve dropped everything & started to turn around & be the real you, but you haven’t. I went to Costco with mommy yesterday, I saw these very soft, pretty, light lavender fleece pants that I was gonna get you & thought that you would get the meaning of why I was willing to get you a gift this year, but apparently, when I got the message where all you wanted was an apology, I quickly put back the pretty fleece pants to where it was before. It hurts when I heard that because I’m still expected to be the one to fix everything & hearing you that you don’t want to fix anything at all, reminds me that I’m the one who still wants to put effort in making this relationship work. After realizing that all of a sudden it’s all on me that I have to make a decision whether to put an end to this or not, got me all confused again.
Well, going to finish up cleaning & putting up the X-mas tree w/ lil brother.